You could argue that in the majority of cases, money plays a major role in the dysfunction, breakdown and resentment that plague relationships and breakups. Incompetently managing finances can suck out the joy and civility from a relationship while also prolonging a dissolution’s impact. Here’re 7 steps to minimise mancession woes.

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Don’t fight about it, curb your impulses and abandon materialism. Sometimes, money can be a problem. You can persuade each other to buy or invest in losing propositions that turn out to be a financial disaster. Situations such as this can lead to recurring arguments and exchanging blame. This is stupid. The money is gone. Your relationship is not. Ask yourself exactly why you want money. I’m assuming that if you honestly self-examine you will find that you want it for a safety and security as well as easing the way into happiness. Having money is a tool to achieve these things. Not arguing about money is another. Remember: You are in this together.

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To avoid tension occurring between you to the maximum, you need to be financially independent of each other. There needs to be little ambiguity over whose money is spent where. His money is his and your money is yours. You are both free to do what you wish with that money: no one has a right over the other’s finances. Whether and what you spend on each other depends on genuine need, affection, character and generosity. The emphasis here is on free will.

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There needs to be trust. Hiding financial information from your partner can ruin his trust in you completely: he may never trust your word about how much you can afford or what you are doing with money ever again. This will lead to many arguments. You need to be as honest as possible and fully disclose where everything is going, even when you were unwise. If there’s an issue about him controlling your spending, address the control; don’t hide what you’re doing.

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You will find your financial needs for happiness as very basic: a roof over your head with a ratio of one bedroom for each two people and enough to cater to your interests (TV, magazines, books, Internet) should be more than enough. The rest is unnecessary and unneeded accessories. To look good, buy smart and not expensive. Whenever I see a woman obsessed with buying things — women I know well clothed in Gucci, Dior and with unnecessarily large houses — I also see a woman trying to buy things that will never fill a hole in her life and that uses admiration for her taste as a poor substitute for a satisfying relationship. sxc.hu/profile/iprole sxc.hu/profile/iprole Spend within your means. Often we try to match or surpass our peers; yet is their lifestyle making them happy? Do they have supplementary incomes we don’t know about? Are they on a path to self-destruction? Remember your priorities.

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A life of debt means stress about repaying bills, limiting your income potential and financial options. It puts your life on a restrictive chain, don’t do it.

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Remember that he is free to have his own financial ideas, persuade and don’t impose your own on him. Try to do your best to find a man that matches your idea about finances as much as possible. Be prepared to support him in rough times, through crazy ideas and career changes. Changing from a job that has a lot of earning potential to one that is more meaningful, reasonable and enjoyable is a common step for men to make as they mature — this change is great for him and great for your time together: treat it as such. Speaking of money early on can be déclassé. However, you must address this issue quite clearly at least before you live together. Agreements before cohabiting and prenuptial agreements put your mind at ease as well as his. It serves to remove the necessity of speaking about this when the relationship is on the rocks or ended: it cheapens the relationship at worst and is an emotional nightmare that brings out the monsters in both of you at worst. Agree how bills are going to be paid with little coercion. The Keep It Simple solution for splitting everything in half is tempting but this can generate resentment in either one of you. So negotiate taking into account any differences in income, your ideas about lifestyle and gender roles, how you each use the utilities. If you make any compromises, be happy about them as a choice: you are sacrificing money for happiness with your partner. Having everything in writing is preferable: you are both clear about where you stand and what you agreed to.

You should have an emergency savings account equal to three months’ earnings. This is for purposes such as sudden redundancy, medical emergencies or other massively unexpected expenses occurring due to acts of God or life’s unpredictability. This will be separate from your other savings. You may wish to save for education of your children if you have any or even plan to have any. You may wish to put aside money for retirement. You may wish to do so for a holiday. Wherever possible, save and save if you wish to buy something. Do not borrow, do not go into your overdraft. Mark clearly what you are saving for and visualise your goal: this makes it much more easier to save.